Clyde Always: California Poets Part 8, Five Poems
January 8th, 2025
California Poets: Part VIII
Clyde Always
Five Poems
Whatta Gale!
Were I flyin’ a kite
or sailin’ a boat
or wishin’ my chimes
would sing me a note,
I s’pose I’d be grinnin’
as none ever grinned.
Instead, I’m begrudgin’
this HOWLIN’ wind…
For 25 blocks,
I was chasin’ my hat.
A couple of gusts
near levelled me flat.
I’m lucky I didn’t
skip breakfast today—
were I any lighter
It’d blow me away.
It made my tobacco
flutter and fly,
then blew a hot cinder
right in my eye!
It’s chillin’ my kishkas.
It’s chillin’ my toes.
I’m stating the obvious:
wind really blows!
Well, actually, now…
a light breeze never hurt.
“Pardon me, Miss,
that’s a beautiful skirt!”
Crier
She posted the rioters looting
the merchandise out of the shops.
She posted her blustery hooting
and mockery aimed at the cops.
She posted depraved ruination
that’s too astronomic to scale
then posted her twisted elation.
Lastly, she posted her bail.
Fair
A champ has emerged from an
Ivy League School.
She bests her opponents by
lengths of the pool.
What exercise regimens
might she divulge?
The ease of her stroke! Those
muscles that bulge!
Though dominant, no one has
witnessed her gloat.
Such pride she must feel; there’s a
lump in her throat.
All Fired Up
Druthery-smothery,
DEP bureaucrats
school pizzaiolos on
what to combust.
Some are responding with
irritability—
namely, New Yorkers (they’re
known for their crust).
An Address to a Cheeseburger
(Wi’ apologies tae Robbie Burns)
Oh unctuous, toothsome slab of meat,
whose rich aromas drench the street
in winter’s chill or summer’s heat,
we—dainty daughters, ragged sons—
will never know a dearer treat
than fondling your supple buns.
What rugged rancher bred the steer?
What rabbi blessed this pickle spear?
What cave matured your cheese a year?
Who jeweled your crown with buttery gloss?
Who, o’er this onion, shed a tear?
What wizard whisked your special sauce?
Your Juiciness, stacked miles high—
umami mountain in the sky—
could make the sternest stoics cry.
And, Lo!, we’ll scoff at Noah’s flood
when, like a geyser’s waters fly,
one bite brings forth a sea of blood!
Let Englishmen eat battered fish!
Give Russians all the borscht they wish.
Let Ashkenazim nosh knish.
Give Frenchmen escargot souffle.
Let every culture crave its dish
and let the vegans waste away!
We ponder, clutching paper plates,
if, way beyond the pearly gates,
eternal, beefy bliss awaits
where patties sizzle songs of peace.
Uniting these United States:
a love of liberty and grease.
Author Bio:
Clyde Always is an accomplished cartoonist, poet, painter, novelist and entertainer. His writings and/or illustrations have been featured in Light Poetry Magazine, Freaky, Jokes Review, etc. Visitors to Bay City are invited to enjoy his carnavalesque sidewalk show: a tall tale extravaganza known as the Surreal San Francisco Walking Tour.
Find out more at clydealways.com
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