Clyde Always: California Poets Part 8, Five Poems

January 8th, 2025

California Poets: Part VIII

Clyde Always

Five Poems

Whatta Gale!

Were I flyin’ a kite

or sailin’ a boat

or wishin’ my chimes

would sing me a note,

I s’pose I’d be grinnin’

as none ever grinned.

Instead, I’m begrudgin’

this HOWLIN’ wind…

For 25 blocks,

I was chasin’ my hat.

A couple of gusts

near levelled me flat.

I’m lucky I didn’t

skip breakfast today—

were I any lighter

It’d blow me away.

It made my tobacco

flutter and fly,

then blew a hot cinder

right in my eye!

It’s chillin’ my kishkas.

It’s chillin’ my toes.

I’m stating the obvious:

wind really blows!

Well, actually, now…

a light breeze never hurt.

“Pardon me, Miss,

that’s a beautiful skirt!”

Crier

She posted the rioters looting

the merchandise out of the shops.

She posted her blustery hooting

and mockery aimed at the cops.

She posted depraved ruination

that’s too astronomic to scale

then posted her twisted elation.

Lastly, she posted her bail.

Fair

A champ has emerged from an

Ivy League School.

She bests her opponents by

lengths of the pool.

What exercise regimens

might she divulge?

The ease of her stroke! Those

muscles that bulge!

Though dominant, no one has

witnessed her gloat.

Such pride she must feel; there’s a

lump in her throat.

All Fired Up

Druthery-smothery,

DEP bureaucrats

school pizzaiolos on

what to combust.

Some are responding with

irritability—

namely, New Yorkers (they’re

known for their crust).

An Address to a Cheeseburger

(Wi’ apologies tae Robbie Burns)

Oh unctuous, toothsome slab of meat,

whose rich aromas drench the street

in winter’s chill or summer’s heat,

we—dainty daughters, ragged sons—

will never know a dearer treat

than fondling your supple buns.

What rugged rancher bred the steer?

What rabbi blessed this pickle spear?

What cave matured your cheese a year?

Who jeweled your crown with buttery gloss?

Who, o’er this onion, shed a tear?

What wizard whisked your special sauce?

Your Juiciness, stacked miles high—

umami mountain in the sky—

could make the sternest stoics cry.

And, Lo!, we’ll scoff at Noah’s flood

when, like a geyser’s waters fly,

one bite brings forth a sea of blood!

Let Englishmen eat battered fish!

Give Russians all the borscht they wish.

Let Ashkenazim nosh knish.

Give Frenchmen escargot souffle.

Let every culture crave its dish

and let the vegans waste away!

We ponder, clutching paper plates,

if, way beyond the pearly gates,

eternal, beefy bliss awaits

where patties sizzle songs of peace.

Uniting these United States:

a love of liberty and grease.

Interview

March 14th, 2025

California Poets Interview Series:

Clyde Always, Poet, Painter, Novelist, Cartoonist

interviewed by David Garyan

DG: Your repertoire consists of performance, the page, and visual arts. Were these skills developed simultaneously or did you enter each discipline at various points in your life?

CA: I would say that I began to realize my talent in all three fields around the same time: around the age of 7 or 8. To become a visual artist was my first aspiration. In high school, I decided I would become a cartoonist and I’ve been one ever since. My foray into the finer art of painting began much later, in my thirties.

My career as a writer and performer began at the same time (around the age of 25). For a few years, the two endeavors were almost entirely linked. In recent years, I’ve begun to write both performance pieces and non-performance pieces.

DG: Form is the visual element of poetry. Song is the poetic element of performance. If you had to answer from the perspective of a visual artist, do you write mainly to show something on the page or to perform the words themselves?

CA: I go both ways on this—lately it is about a 50/50 split.

If I am inspired to write a piece that is meant to be performed, my process usually involves performing it in a mirror as I am writing it. The editing comes (sometimes over the course of years) by gauging the reactions of my audience and applying tweaks to the wording, timing and/or delivery.

If I am writing a piece of prose or poetry that is meant to be read, I often try to convey all the necessary information through the words themselves. This way, when it comes time to illustrate, I can keep the drawings intense and expressionistic.

DG: Since 2014, you’ve hosted The Lower Haight Open Mic in the heart of San Francisco. What do you enjoy most about the project and to what extent have things changed in relation to the event in these past ten or so years?

CA: I really built that open mic up over the course of the first few years hosting it. When I inherited it, it was pretty dismal. Little by little, the attendance began to grow. I attribute this growth to my willingness to offer each performer his or her due praise. Also, because I insisted on welcoming all kinds of acts, the lineup was never monotonous. Each list would feature a jumble of comics, poets and musicians. Sometimes we were blessed with a puppeteer, magician, juggler, clown, acrobat, animal act, etc.

Unfortunately, this little kingdom of mine came crashing down when the lockdown of 2020 forced us all into our homes. Since then, we’ve been unable to return to the café. We still gather weekly in Duboce Park to keep the Friday night tradition alive but, I regret to inform you, what was once shook the earth like the Saturn V now squeaks like a bottle rocket.

DG: Portrait painting is an important part of your career. If you had to show people who you were but there could only be one of two ways, would you want the best artist to paint your portrait or the greatest poet to write a poem about you, and why?

CA: I suppose I would want the greatest artist to paint my portrait. Perhaps I’m a bit vain. A lady poet once said to me: “you look like you have a secret and I want to know what it is.” To have this expression (whatever it was she was referring to) captured on canvas would be especially exciting for me.

DG: The problem with a great deal of poetry is that it’s too serious and seriously not good. It just tries too hard. Has humor always been a part of your writing or was it a technique you adopted much later?

CA: Humor has always been integral in all of my creative endeavors. Every once in a while, I try my hand at writing something serious and I very seldom have any success. Joy, I think, is a life-sustaining force. That said, my sense of humor is often dark and/or irreverent. As much as it is my overarching intention to lift my fellows up, I often run the risk of causing offense (perhaps to my peril).

DG: In addition to portrait painting, you also do caricatures. Do you get more requests for the former or latter and which do you believe actually captures a person’s true essence?

CA: Commissions for both are pretty few and far between. I’ve done more caricatures than painted portraits over the years; they’re faster and more affordable. Either one, I believe, could capture the subject’s true essence. The complexity of the color scheme in a painting could offer subtle clues to the subjects disposition, meanwhile, in a pen-and-ink caricature, the laying of even a single line on the page might convey to the viewer precisely who it is that they are looking at.

DG: Do you think funny poems are taken less seriously because through caricature they actually show us the real world, while serious poems, many times unsuccessfully, try to portray it just the way it is?

CA: Possibly. It’s been a very tough row to hoe being a poetic humorist. At poetry readings, I can feel the Bukowski imitators, haiku aficionados and political activists rolling their eyes at my end-rhymes (well crafted though they are). On more than one occasion, some older lady-poet will take the time out of her day to tell me that my work is “cute.” Conversely, in a room full of two-bit comedians, my verse is often met with looks of confusion and (sometimes) scorn—as if I’ve wandered in to the wrong place by mistake. I once heard a stand-up comic describe poetry as “the opposite of comedy.” In regard to portraying the real world, I’m not too sure how to address that. I’m sorry.

DG: You’ve written three children’s books. Do you write the stories beginning to end and then illustrate them or do the images arise parallel to the story?

CA: I write the books and then illustrate them. The words are the horse and the pictures are the cart.

DG: San Francisco is a wonderful city to live and work in. What is your favorite literary place in the city and one non-literary location?

CA: My favorite literary place in San Francisco is a shop on the ground floor of a stunning Victorian called Books and Bookshelves. They sell rare books and freshly handcrafted wooden furnishings. I often go in there and soak myself in the scent of pine resin and read Ogden Nash under my breath. My favorite non-literary location is tough to choose. Lands End comes to mind. This is a nice place to get some peace and quiet. Likewise, Buena Vista Park is a hellish climb but worth the effort for the serene setting it provides. When I was a young buck, I would sit on the floor of a bar on Haight Street called Noc Noc and scribble away in my notebook. I found the ambiance very inspiring: the décor looks as if its design was a collaboration between Tim Burton and Fred Flintstone. I could go on, but I won’t.

DG: What are you reading or working at the moment?

CA: I’m jumping around between a few books on my shelf this week: Rusty Brown, by Chris Ware (rereading it), The Complete Nonsense of Edward Lear and Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand.

In addition to a few other projects, I do have another children’s novella in the works: an adventure about an orphan who becomes the captain of an airship. Stay tuned, it should be out soon enough.

Author Bio:

Clyde Always is an accomplished cartoonist, poet, painter, novelist and entertainer. His writings and/or illustrations have been featured in Light Poetry Magazine, Freaky, Jokes Review, etc. Visitors to Bay City are invited to enjoy his carnavalesque sidewalk show: a tall tale extravaganza known as the Surreal San Francisco Walking Tour.

Find out more at clydealways.com