“Quarantine Diaries,” by David Garyan (Day 48)

Quarantine Diaries – Day 48 May 1st, 2020

Trento, Italy

Mamihlapinatapai

Even without clothes, I’m not naked enough. My skin is sandpaper— the wrong side facing outward; it’s a rug everyone desires— only to hang on their wall. I want to be the piece of floor in front of a famous painting, but not the Mona Lisa— her smile is a fishing hook that no longer needs bait. I’m tired of people’s eyes looking straight at me, but orbiting their own emotions. I’m tired of people’s hands pulling me towards them, but still palming the dice. Why can’t gravity’s laws have perfect freewill, and why is chance so afraid to follow formulas? I’ve met many gamblers who could afford to lose but weren’t willing to bet. I’ve walked with many gypsies, who knew where to go but couldn’t abandon their maps. How much longer must I ask what sailors have become if they only trust their own compass? I’m ready to be led astray but also to resist the wind. I’m ready to be a soldier who disobeys bad orders. My destiny is to be a flame playing on the ocean’s shore.